Not Me
by GoldenGears
Summary: Ursa makes an unexpected visit to the Capital Prison. She wants answers. She wants to know why. It wasn't her, it was him. A short story about a confrontation between Ursa and Ozai, post-Search.
1. Chapter 1

_**A/N**_ : Hi everyone, this is my first published fanfic, yay! I've had this idea of Ursa confronting Ozai ever since I read The Search. I've always liked writing their interactions, especially how they would size each other up post-war. Takes place Post-Search. Reviews will be much appreciate, I would love to know how I'm doing in my writing and how to improve. Thanks, and enjoy the show!

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 **~Not Me~**

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"I'm surprised you came here"

Ursa was surprised herself.

She was unsure why she had decided to come to the Capital Prison, what strange delusion compelled her feet to follow the path down to the lowest cells. Why she had an unfathomable desire to stand amongst the candlelit filth. Why she needed to see him. But she wanted an answer to a question she should already know.

"Well, it's always a pleasure"

The low voice echoed about the small room, threatening to tighten around the poor woman's heart; every word dripped with menace, as if to invoke a new horrible memory with every syllable. But there was something else about the voice that Ursa could not miss; it was much smaller than before. The arrogance and the pride, all of it was still there but somehow it sounded weaker, less confident, less like him.

The woman stood still, simply looking into the cell and the huddled figure in the corner. The single small candle did little to assail the darkness, but there was no mistaking the eyes staring out, the sharp golden irises searing into hers. The silence was long, clearly making the man uncomfortable as he shifted back and forth, silently demanding a response from his new visitor. She always knew he hated being ignored, hated being left in silence by another. Seeing his eyes blaze as she continued to stubbornly remain silent gave her some comfort.

"Does the esteemed Fire Lord know you have come to visit his disgraced father?"

Silence. Ozai sizing up the woman in front of him. She wasn't a strong person, Ozai knew how easily she can be broken. But he was expecting her to at least flinch at the mention if the child she left to be mutilated by him. What game was she playing? He leaned forward only slighting, the candle lighting falling on one side of his face, the deep shadows on his now gaunt face making him seem far more menacing than, he had to begrudgingly admit, he actually was.

"I guess not, although it is nice to have a new visitor. Zuko can be quite tiring. I had enough of philosophical ramblings on peace and order when I was with Iroh".

He leant back into the shadows, trying to show an air of flippant nonchalance that would be sure to annoy her. "Good to know he's got a new son".

Silence. She had to break sometime, somehow. Her resolve was insulting him with every second. She would have to make her reasons known. Or did she just want to see how far he had fallen. The gall of this woman he thought.

"If all your going to do is stand there, then I would at least appreciate you bringing some tea".

His demeanor was crumbling, he had never felt this much humiliation before. He felt as if he was being dissected, probed without words, watched with contemptuous silence. He deserved far better, even Zuko showed some respect. His back straightened, attempting to reflect the all-powerful deity he once was. "Or did you come all the way here to see a monster in a cage?"

Silence. His hands curl around the air, as if to pull words from her mouth in an effort to make her speak.

"Talk to me traitor, its why you're here? To boast about your new life".

Silence. He won't lose, he is stronger than this!

"ANSWER ME!"

The howl tore through the air like a blade aimed at the passive face of his taciturn visitor as Ozai launched himself from his recluse corner and onto the bars of his cell. His teeth bared, his eyes flashing, his hands gripping the steel as if to pull them apart and tear his wife asunder. He retreated, silently admonishing his loss of control but most of all frustrated that not even the screaming of a madman had made Ursa move a single muscle. He had to reluctantly admit the woman was much stronger than last he saw of her. He sat with a scowl in the very centre of the room, deciding to no longer hide himself by the darkness, his eyes scanning the woman for any sign of her purpose or reason for coming to see the man she hated above all else.

"Well then, since you seem so relaxed already, why not we have a nice chat."

He leant his elbow on his knee, looking thoroughly drained. He felt he wasn't going to win this conversation, so if she is going to just remain silent and not yell at him, he might as well enjoy mocking her. It was, back in days long past, one of his favourite past-times.

"I hear you found that stupid actor who was your lover, I'm sure you had plenty of time to even start a family...useless non-benders am I right? What did Zuko say her was name again? Kiwi, Kiya? Some other ridiculous commoner name"

"Why?"

The soft voice cut Ozai's off with a peaceful suddenness he was not expecting. It didn't sound accusing, angry or even self-righteous; it just sounded sad. The question hung in the air as Ozai processed how to answer; though the conversation was not going as planned, he was expecting this question to be asked as soon as he saw her walk through the door. He wanted to mock Zuko's fate, or perhaps make light of the situation, something petty maybe to elicit some reaction from the stoic woman. But he was too tired to play those types of games anymore, and anyway, the hard truth would be just as painful as any of the mockery he tried before.

"Zuko knew what the consequences..."

"I'm not talking about him!" Ozai paused, and looked up to see Ursa's eyes glisten with the beginnings of tears, her lips pursed and her fists clenched. This was a sudden shift in her attitude from before, what changed? Not Zuko it seems. He hadn't prepared for her not to ask about the weakling. Why else would she be here? His eyes lowered to his hands, trying to figure out what answer she wanted, or more importantly what her actual question even *was* . His confusion was not lost on Ursa, something that made her blood boil. How dare he not see what he did!

"Why her too, why did you have to make her suffer too!"

Sudden realization hit Ozai like a wave, this was something he certainly did not expect, and something even less he wanted to talk about.

"Azula?" His force contort with genuine confusion.

Why would Ursa come asking about Azula, when has that woman ever cared for that child? Ozai knew his young daughter was someone Ursa hated, because she hated him and Azula was like him. Why would she care what happened to her? But what made the question seem near impossible to answer was that Ozai honestly thought he did nothing wrong to that child, he turned her into a whirling fiery hurricane of azure destruction. A weapon so precise and beautiful that the Fire Nation will forever remember her as the greatest fire bender to ever live. He had nothing to answer for. This was Ursa's game, and he had no idea how to play it.

"Why do you care? She's nothing like you, and she's too much like me for you to care."

Ursa's eyes drop for the first time since they locked with Ozai's, her face contorting in shame. Her was mind awash with painful memories of her past life as Noriko and her daughter's fury as Azula burst through the roof, intent on ending her life right then and there. It was in that moment, that Ursa discovered her greatest folly.

"You refuse to see people for what they truly are Ozai. That's always been your problem."

Her eyes raised again, no longer with their previous strength but with a strange sense of determination. If he could not see what he did, she will make him see it. It was his fault, his monstrous nature, his weight to bear. _Not me. Not me. Not me._

"When Azula came to kill me in my home, when I looked into her eyes, I saw something I never saw before. Perhaps I should have seen it; perhaps I didn't want to because she was like you. But I saw it there..."

Ursa felt the tears flowing, her eyes clamped shut in a vain attempt to stop them. Ozai look at his former wife in disgust, he hated seeing people cry, it was the greatest show of weakness.

"You saw what exactly?" He asked with contempt, and perhaps some curiosity, his head resting in his hand.

"I saw pain. In one moment I saw how much she hated me for leaving her. How much she wanted me to be there when I wasn't."

 _It was his fault! Not mine. Not her's. His!_

"She said I wanted to kill her, and I did. I wiped her from my mind. I killed her and Zuko. But at least Zuko had your brother."

Ursa was becoming agitated, any semblance of control she had before lost as she began to pace back and forth, tears falling from her face onto the filth on the floor. Her hands clenching and unclenching. _His fault. His._

"What I did to Azula though, was something I should of known was unforgivable. I left her to you. I know better than anyone what being alone with you is like. And even as Noriko, I knew she deserved my life for that. But she didn't take it. She ran. Just like me".

After a deep breath, Ursa wiped her eyes and body shuddering at her own awareness that her daughter and herself were much more alike than she realized. After a while in silence between the two, Ursa looked into Ozai's eyes, almost pleading for another answer. _It was him._

"I ask again, why did you have to make her suffer?"

The grin that smeared Ozai's face was one that Ursa remembered, and it made her shiver, nothing made her want to flee more than that smile. Ozai on the other hand was ecstatic; he was disappointed in his daughter's weakness and inability to kill on sight of her target sure, however it was that emotional weakness that gave him this small victory. And stuck in a prison cell, he had very few victories he could relish in. Ursa had played her game, showed her hand and had no more moves to play. Ozai only had one. He only need one. He crept to the edge of the bars and peered up at the now shivering Ursa and with the sweetest smile he could summon, more terrifying than any menacing snarl he said:

"I didn't make her suffer my wife, not one day did I want to,"

His head cocked as he looked up at the tearful face of the traitorous woman. _Gotcha_

"But all her life, you did".

The door slammed shut as Ursa all but ran down the corridor, the cackling laughter of Ozai echoing in her mind as she finally realized why she had come here for the answer. She wanted to absolve her guilt, convince herself it was Ozai, only Ozai. But for all the horrific crimes he had committed, this was hers and hers alone. _It wasn't him._

She collapsed against the wall, sobbing as she gripped her hair and slid to the floor.

The only person who could forgive her, the only one to help her come to terms with what she had done, was Azula. But she was lost.

A fitting punishment Ursa thought. Her daughter was all that she wanted to see again, to say sorry for all the things she had done to her. Yet like herself all those years ago, Azula has run away from her painful old life, desperate to forget the face that caused her pain. Like mother like daughter.

 _Not me. Not me. Not me. Not me._

 _All me..._


	2. Chapter 2

_**A/N:** Chapter 2, woo. I am seriously planning of really expanding this, got an interesting idea, what do ya guys think? **  
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 **~Not Me~**

 _Chapter 2_

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"I brought tea,"

He should have expected her to return, there was more to her last visit than simply trying to shift the blame. However, in the way she left the last time, Ozai was sure she would never make the horrid journey down to his cell again. Perhaps he would have preferred that. He wanted to prefer that. Unfortunately, ever since Zuko decided to cease visiting him, he had found the loneliness gnawing at his soul to be bothersome. He hated it, the feeling of dependence, the feeling of a weakness. Most of all, he hated that _she_ of all people seemed to give him the smallest relief.

"What kind? I'm very particular," Ozai droned, his corner of darkness enveloping him like a shroud.

"Dragonlily, I hear it's very good. Your brother always knows the best teas," Ursa said lightly, a beautiful tea-set in her hands.

 _Iroh._ Merely thinking of the name made him gag. The treasured first son of Fire Lord Azulon, the man who had everything and tossed it away only to become a dithering old fool in a teashop. Ozai almost relished in the fact that no love was lost between them any more. Iroh was the one who used to be always one step ahead, mastering strategy and lightning with an ease only the mighty Dragon of West could attest to. However by the time Ozai had mastered them, it was the status quo for his father, who merely scolded him for not learning fast enough. If it weren't for his brother's constant encouragement and support, Ozai might never have been as successful as he was. This single thought has haunted the former Fire Lord all his life, that even at his most powerful, he was still just a cheap imitation of what his brother was.

"What does he know..." Ozai's voice was much smaller, almost as if he was answering another far off question. Ursa had to admit, that she did feel a strange sense of pity for the man. As hateful as she was, Ursa knew there was something else to the man that was buried deep in an attempt to hide it forever. She lived with him for over a decade, and he never was perfectly able to hide those secrets on his face. No man can hide who they were for that long.

"Look, I think you can guess I didn't come here to chat over tea," Ursa sighed as she sat gracefully, placing the set down and pouring two cups. She placed one carefully inside the cell, and set hers aside to cool. "You were right though".

This at least elicited some response, as he crept from his corner like a skulking animal of prey and sat in front of the cup in front of him. _As long as you think you've been right about something, you'd want to listen._ Ozai's eyes moved between the steaming tea and the woman, who decided the liquid had cooled enough in her own cup to drink and took a sip. Her eyebrow raised at the wary expression across the man's face.

"It's not poisoned if that's what you think,"

The man just scowled, he was seriously in a bad mood right now. _Great._ Ursa had at least expected him to be jovial after hurting her the last time they spoke, why was he suddenly angry again. She guessed it was simply to do with his imprisonment and didn't wish to explore a better reason during this conversation.

Silently Ursa picked up Ozai's cup and sip it, deliberately showing the liquid in her mouth to prove it was safe. It felt ridiculous, but she had more important matters than her own dignity to attend to right now. As she placed the cup back, Ozai snatched and downed the whole cup, tossing it unceremoniously back towards her. The sharp action causing Ursa to visibly jump and eyes flash with a tinge of fear.

"It tastes terrible". For all his attempts to appear threatening, even Ozai had to admit that was rather petulant of him; he was acting like Zuko more than he would like to admit. At least the display of fear from his estranged wife gave him some comfort he still had power over something. She didn't beat him last time, she won't beat him tonight. At least that's what he thought until he saw the confused and oddly amused expression form across Ursa's face; it did nothing to assail his current mood, only giving him a worrying sense of dread.

"What was I right about?" Ozai asked with haste, trying to divert the entire conversation away from his childish attitude. "Apart from everything of course".

Ursa smirked. She never smirks, Ozai thought. That was something he does, or Azula. Not Ursa. That sense of dread crept ever deeper as her eyes slowly passed to the shattered teacup and then flicking back to Ozai. She said a thousands words with only a smile. Ozai gripped his throat, his eyes wide in rage and fear. He never wanted to die from poison, it was disrespectful to his warrior nature. Worst of all, it was all so terribly ironic; Ozai hated irony. He launched himself upwards, standing over the woman, but feeling thoroughly under her control. He found his attempts to seem imposing just made him feel even more powerless; like a crippled animal growling at an approaching hunter.

"You...how could you...I'll...KILL YOU!" The words roared out, echoing around the cell; he could hear the guards outside shift uncomfortably. Good.

Then, Ursa began laughing. Actual sincere laughter, not the revenge-lust cackles he thought to be hearing, but sweet chuckles. Ozai never thought he had heard her laugh in all their years together. It was not vindictive or harsh like his own, but soft and gentle; as if she was remembering a joke told long ago. Ozai stood staring in stunned disbelief as the death never came. Like a fool, he slowly became aware of the joke Ursa found so amusing. He couldn't believe he fell for something so obvious.

"That wasn't funny," he muttered, begrudgingly offering a tiny bit of respect for playing him so well. For as distant as they were, Ozai knew Ursa was parley to a few secrets and she most certainly knew of his abject fear of being poisoned.

"Well, it's you fault for forgetting right?" Ursa replied still chuckling softly.

Ozai closed his eyes, a distant memory when they were first forced together by his father flowed into his mind. It was a time when the two did at least try to form some bond; they both knew it would be easier that way for both of them to at least care about the other, made navigating the political scene much safer when you knew someone had your back. But Ursa loved someone else, and Ozai hadn't loved anyone for a long, long time. But it was a time when the two tolerated each other as forced friends, before it all burned away.

" _Urgh, why do I have to learn this?" Ursa sat behind a large desk littered with various pages detailing confidential information about every major player in the court, and some minor ones too._

" _Information is a powerful weapon. It can save our lives one day," the young prince replied with blunt indifference to the girl's boredom. It had only been a few months since she was taken, and the two had hated every moment they were together. Ursa missed her lover and Ozai missed being alone. "Lady Aki of house Ziang, go"._

 _The command was as dry as the ones before, but at least he tried to be civil this time and not aggressive. From the stories she had heard of the Fire Nation court, Ursa knew it was important to not be ignorant, even the royalty can be destroyed with enough information against them. They needed plenty of collateral to keep those secrets silent._

" _Lady Aki Ziang, the wife of colony general Kuzo Ziang of the coastal Earth Kingdom province of Sha Long Bay and is a serial adulterer. Has a particular taste in women and goes to the Bleeding Dragon Brothel under the guise of Lady Red, right?" Ursa leaned against her hand after finishing her answer hoping that it would be enough for them to end this for today."Lady Red is such a boring name for an alias"._

 _Ozai seemed to slump at the sight of his new wife's casual nonchalantness at critical Fire Nation politics, but curtly nodded in agreement._

" _Are we finished?"_

" _Not yet, one last thing," Ozai replied as he sat opposite the woman he was set to marry in a week. "My secret is that I am absolutely terrified of poison" He said with a firm strength that belied how vulnerable the information was._

 _Ursa perked up at this revelation. Ozai had always attempted to appear strong at all times and this seemed oddly out of character of him._

" _Why tell me your secrets?" Ursa sincerely asked, already seeing the young prince shift uncomfortable._

 _Ozai seemed to genuinely contemplate the question, until he firmly replied._

" _We are going to be married, and so we need to have our backs in the court. You need to know my secrets so you can talk about me in a way that deflects that information, even the smallest suspicion needs to be quelled quickly. And I will have to do the same for you"._

 _Ursa was silent as she processed this information. She had to admit that she never considered that Ozai was equally bothered by this as she was. He just looked so smug when he came barging in with his father. But she had to agree, if she was to survive here amongst dragons ready to eat her at the merest sign of weakness they needed to support each other; there were more dangerous figures than Ozai to worry about._

" _Losing him...I fear losing him..." she quietly replied. She didn't to mention the name for Ozai to know who she was talking about. And with a small nod the two sat in silence, with perhaps more comfort between them knowing their secrets._

"I didn't love her by the way," Ursa interrupted Ozai's memory and he wasn't quite sure he had accidentally missed half a conversation as he reminisced. "I said you were right about something, and I'm telling you I didn't love her".

 _Azula._ So its going to be this conversation again. Ozai thought as much, he could only imagine the reunion with Zuko was full of hugs and other platitudes that made him sick. He wasn't expecting Ursa to ever admit to not loving her daughter, forever remaining in denial, but she was always proficient at surprising Ozai.

"I never knew her anyway, you gave her the attention she craved, and I didn't give her the attention she needed" She continued, speaking as plainly as she could to avoid giving away any emotions like last time that Ozai could exploit. Her stint with the poison charade had been to place him on the back foot and keep him defensive.

Ozai calmly listened, knowing Ursa was not expecting any response from him, and for the first time he felt the desire to merely listen to the woman. He would prefer hearing her voice than the multitude of voices that sometimes creep into his mind from the darkness.

"But I would like to" she paused afterwards, clearly waiting for a reply to a question not asked.

"I don't know where she is Ursa" He replied genuinely, almost with a tad of sorrow. He would also like to talk to his daughter again, they had much in common; though he would doubt that would ever happen if it were even possible being such shrewd schemers.

"But you know what she is like Ozai, help me find her. I treat Zuko like he's only my son, but I have to face facts. They are our children, and if there is only one good thing you want to ever do, let it be for the sake of your children".

Ursa's eyes were filled with sadness, but also of hope. Ozai thought he would want to crush it, burn it, say words to ruin her entire futile desire to fix her wrongs. But all he could do was look Ursa in the eye and calmly answer;

"Ok...I'll help you"

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 ** _A/N:_** _Hello, er...after a whole year...yeeeeeah. But hey I'm back finally, the previous year has been a rather eventuful one. Plans, an engagement and yadda yadda, but finally found time to start writing again, sorry if the chapter feels rushed. But hey, reviews are still much appreciated._


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